I, like more than a thousand mothers on Multiply, am part of a group called stagemoms. Being part of the group made me realize that there is nothing wrong with being a stagemom. We're all trying to raise superstars. You know my own daughter can end up being a school librarian but be a superstar at it. (OK, I'm not the showbiz kind of stagemom. :p). It's fun to be part of the group. There are a lot of grounded mothers out there. And there are, surprisingly, a lot of encouraging and inspiring people in the group too. But in the two years that I have been interacting with different kinds of moms here on Multiply (not just in the stagemoms group) I noticed that some parents can be intensely competitive. There's nothing wrong with being competitive. I'm an underachiever so I really appreciate people who always put in a little more effort in all their endeavors than probably needed. But as stagemoms, we all have to evaluate as to what end we are joining (and dying or killing for) all these contests and activities. Are we doing all these to showcase our child's talents? Are we forcing our own dreams on our children? Is it for fun? Do we join contests so that our kids will gain confidence? Do we like the prizes we get from the contests? Do we want to show other parents that our children are better than theirs? Are we using the contests as stepping stones for a possible career in entertainment? Do we join contests and activities so that we and our children can meet other moms and kids with the same interests as ours? Do we want fame and fortune for our children so that someday we won't have to work our asses off? Personally, I wish Nicole would learn how to sing so that I wouldn't have to send her to college. I will be to Nicole what Mang Gerry is to Regine. Hehe. I'm just kidding! Or am I? Tomorrow I'm purchasing a dram so that Nic can practice singing neck-deep in water.  Remember, we all need to do it for the right reasons. There is an art to it. If we do it the wrong way and for all the wrong reasons we may end up being negative forces in our children's lives instead of positive ones. It's probably a little hard to imagine or accept for some stagemoms but even with the best intentions, we CAN totally fuck up our kids' lives. We just all have to CHILL and really think about it. If an activity ceases to be an enriching activity for you and your child then you should just forget about it and find other activities that are really worth your money and your time. Being a stagemom should not be about YOU. It should be about your child. Your child's life is his/her own journey. Being a stagemom: Do it for the right reasons. Have fun with it.  | I know one. And she's friggin overdoing it. As in career kung career! Sigh. |
 | yap...
very well said indeed! |
 | Hehehe, I'm one guilty stage mom... paki batukan lang ako if I'm being too much na, ha?
Lalo na 'pag dating sa mga online contests, I admit, minsan parang OA na (pero in my case naman kasi, sinasamantala ko lang ang pagiging online ko maghapon, hehehe, sinasabay ko lang sa work so hindi naman ako talaga nage exert ng sobrang time and effort for that).
But still there are so many reasons why I love being a stage mom. I admit, I enjoy seeing her in magazines and natutuwa ako kapag maraming nakakakilala sa kanya whenever we go to some events (mas kilala pa sya sa akin, hehehe). I also want her to learn how to mingle with people... lalo na lately, nagiging mahiyain si Masheng. Gusto ko syang masanay sa mga tao.
Syempre, kasali na din dun ang social life ng mommy. I met a lot of stage mommies din and some of them became good friends. So tama ka, mommy Raz, we have to admit that being one is not always about our kids, hehehe...
Madalas nga akong sinesermunan ni Joms (though he's always been very supportive). Lagi nya akong tinatanong kung talaga daw bang para kay Marchelle ang pinagga gagawa ko or para daw ba sa akin? Sigurado daw ba ako na gusto ng anak ko ang mga pinagagawa ko sa kanya.
Pero syempre, I would definitely not push being a stagemom if I see na hindi naman nag eenjoy si Masheng at na hindi na maganda for her. So far, I can see na nag eenjoy naman sya and nasasanay sya sa mga tao so I can say na ok pa naman... :) |
|  hehe. Si Joms ang mechanism to keep you in check :) Like I said, di naman masama ang pagiging stagemom. Marami naman tao who can attribute their success to their stage parents (Sarah Geronimo, Regine Velasquez, etc. etc.).
OK lang sa akin yung kampanya, kampanya, etc :) di mo pa kailangan ng batok :)
I just posted this as a reminder to all parents that we should also keep ourselves in check. For us to do things for the right reasons and to do them the right way.  Yup, your blog made me reflect on myself din... Baka kasi sumosobra na din ako although so far, wala pa naman akong nakikitang problema. But I still have to remind myself from time to time what my intentions of being a stagemom really are. I have to remember that I'm doing this not for myself but for Masheng :) Pag nakita kong 'di na maganda for her, 'di ako magdadalawang isip na huminto...
Si Joms nga siguro ang magiging guide ko, hehehe. Pero kahit ganun 'yun, stagedaddy din 'yun... laging present sa mga activities ni Masheng at all out talaga ang support nya (sya nga ang personal hairstylist at make up artist ni Marchelle, hehehe). Pero syempre, alam nya kung sobra na at kailangan ko nang paawat :) |
 | Mrs. Razielle Ambat.. i am so liking your blogs!
enjoying reading each and every bit of it..
hugs to NicNic! |
| lamo ang gandang article nito.. irepost ko ha?
bka sakaling meron pkong mga stage mom buddies na wla sa list mo at ng mabasa nila!
hehehe! |
 | Thanks Razz for this one! ako naman naka pag reflect din hehehe...basta ako nakikita ko yung talent ni enoch sa isang bagay ayun we encourage him na pag aralan talaga yun kasi alam namin may potential siya dun & besides nag eenjoy naman siya at yun naman ang importante di ba..natututo na nag eenjoy pa:) |
 | i've never been competitive either kaya siguro wala akong hilig isali sa mga contest si paolo and lily:)
i like supporting our online mommy friends who's into this. but you're right, they just have to make sure na it won't affect their kid's life in a negative way.:)
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 | Razz, i love this blog! Bato-bato sa langit tamaan wag magalit. Tutoo naman e, merong ibang magulang na OA na sa pagiging competitive. Have you seen the Toddlers in Tiaras segment on Entertainment Today? Hay naku, kawawang mga bata. Aside from the rigors of competition schedules, their moms let them go through the pains of shaving their legs (yes, at two years old!), coloring their hair, plucking their brows and all other stuff. Wala pa naman akong kilalang ganyan dito sa Pinas. Ang nakikita ko naman ay mga magulang na di naawa sa mga anak nila, pagod na pagod na yung bata sa kakasali sa kung anu-ano. Tapos pag ayaw sumunod ng bata, pinapagalitan. Poor kids.
Ako di ko ito naeexperience kasi suplado mga anak ko. They don't like crowds, they don't warm up to strangers. Walang kwentang isali sa mga pa-model model hehehe Sawi nga ang pangarap kong maging stage mom eh hehehe But honestly, I'd love it if they'll inherit my passion for theater. I dream of seeing them perform in plays someday. But I won't force them. All I can do now is create opportunities for them to see what theater is about. If they fall in love with it, then that'll be great. if they don't like it, then I'd let them find their own niche. |
 | this is so timely written sis..
i am too is a stagemom.. admittedly.. but as you said nga.. there are times na i asked myself if this is really for yza or for me?? or if she's ok with it.. hehehe
kaya i choose our "battles" kung baga.. hehehe
nice read sis.. thanks for sharing.. (sana magising yung mga uber)LOL |
| Wow Mich! Talaga? Ganun ka-stagedad si Joms? Naku eh si george di ko pakikinabangan yansa pag-aayos sa mga anak namin! Labo ng fashion sense hehehe. |
 | Well said, yun lang, hehe.. :)
I myself am not really that much of a stagemom, pag may opportunity go lang pag wala di wala haha. Meron kasing kids na ito talaga ang gusto nila, meron naman mga napipilitan lang dahil gusto ng mommy. Pag ganun kawawa din eh. |
 | very well said Mommy Razz... it is indeed an amazing stagemom world 'no? |
 | kidsahoy wrote on Apr 10, '09, edited on Apr 10, '09 hehehe topic din ito lagi ng mga usap-usapan :=) We all are stagemoms in varrying levels...sino ba naman ang ayaw that our kids will also be "appreciated" for their skills, talents, smarts and/or beauty di ba? There's a certain motherly (and fatherly) pride involved but there's always a great responsibility to take on. Questions that need to be asked are as follows:
1) Is your child naturally inclined to perform and be on-stage?
2) Is your child prepared emotionally, psychologically for the demands and rigors of "life on stage"? Aside from exposing them on-stage, what other experiences do you expose them to? Kungbaga, when the lights and the cameras are off...what other worthwhile, productive, creative, and learning activities are they busy with?
3) What is your honest-to-goodness reason for letting your child experience such activities? Is it for confidence-building? Is it to find out if they're comfy to be on-stage? then, Razz, asked...for fame? fortune? for him/her? or for you?
Know that at this early stage...what we do with our kids, what activities we choose for them, what experiences we give them, the people and influences we surround them with as well as the quality of education (formal or informal) we provide can make or break our child's future...we are building the very foundation of the kind of individuals they will become. Make sure we are preparing them well---in all aspects.
being on stage is but one of the many aspects in our child's holistic development. We just have to make sure that we balance everything out and Razz is right, make sure to evaluate we are doing it for the right reasons. I personally feel that if it ceases to be fun and becomes cutthroat, do we really think our kids would want to do it?
hmmmm...something to think about huh?
razzie, you are brave for writing this reflective post...may I repost pls? |
| very nicely said mommy raz... :) ako din...wish ko matutong kumanta si sofia...ang mahal kaya magpa-aral ngayon...hehehe :) |
| and oh...I had quite a disturbing realization from one of the multitudes of posts I read in the past weeks...truly, our kids shouldn't be "made" to be the realization of our own dreams. May sarili silang buhay, may ibang kakayahan, may sariling mga gusto at pangarap. We shouldn't burden them with our own what could have beens and what ifs. Let us focus on helping our kids find their own paths, towards the realization of their own dreams...whether those dreams can be achieved through the stage or off-stage.
Happy Easter (tomorrow) everyone! |
 | sweethopia wrote on Apr 10, '09, edited on Apr 10, '09 shouldn't be "made" to be the realization of our own dreams i read a similar post/comment somewhere where the mom said "to meet our dream for our child". sa unang basa, parang wala lang, parang normal lang but if you really think about it- merong mali.
that's why i put that bit about me wanting Nic to learn how to sing so that I don't have to send her to college :p I wanted to show that sometimes stage parents can be ridiculous. was trying to show that if parents don't stop to think about their real intentions and the possible outcomes of their intentions and actions, they start dreaming dreams for their kids that their kids might not even want AT ALL.
Of course I want Nic to learn to sing, I want her to learn to cook, swim, etc. but not to the point that I will plan a linear path na tatahakin niya na ako ang masusunod. I wanted Nic to learn ballet, pangarap ko yun. haha. She's been exposed to two ballet sessions and di man lang niya tignan yung teacher or the other kids in class. Kahit yata mangisay sa kaka-sayaw yung teacher at yung mga bata- DEADMA si Nicole. LOL. So there goes my dream of Nic learning ballet. What do I do? Force her? Shame her into submission? Of course not. E di hanap kami ng ibang activity that she truly likes. Ganun talaga. Isip ko, when Nic starts big school, ako na lang ang mag-da-dance lessons. LOL.
It's normal for parents to dream big things for their children but the minute they start obsessing about their own dreams for their children and talagang MAJOR planning and all, parang mali yata. You can't plan ALL aspects of your child's life. Like I said your child's life is his/her own journey. |
| kidsahoy wrote on Apr 11, '09, edited on Apr 11, '09 Thanks Razz for this one! ako naman naka pag reflect din hehehe...basta ako nakikita ko yung talent ni enoch sa isang bagay ayun we encourage him na pag aralan talaga yun kasi alam namin may potential siya dun & besides nag eenjoy naman siya at yun naman ang importante di ba..natututo na nag eenjoy pa:) AHEEM AHEEMM...let me be a stage tita for Enoch for a moment here...congrats Enoch for being called back for the GMA kiddie host (that batibot-style show I posted last week)...for a first-time audition, I am super proud Enoch did sooooooo well! There's an ideal project for each child...basta, lagi lang to make sure Mommy Mel, na Enoch enjoys every new experience and activity he gets into. I know that with you and Beck around to support him, he will really thrive. Not only is he doing well on-stage (fashion model na online anak ko at malapit-lapit ng maging tv kiddie host ha! hehehe), he did well in school, too. Panatilihin ang pagiging mabait at masunuring bata...magalang pa! :=)
zoooooo prawwwwwwwwwwd!!! |
| kidsahoy wrote on Apr 11, '09, edited on Apr 11, '09 She's been exposed to two ballet sessions and di man lang niya tignan yung teacher or the other kids in class. Kahit yata mangisay sa kaka-sayaw yung teacher at yung mga bata- DEADMA si Nicole. LOL. So there goes my dream of Nic learning ballet. What do I do? Force her? Shame her into submission? Of course not. E di hanap kami ng ibang activity that she truly likes. Ganun talaga. Isip ko, when Nic starts big school, ako na lang ang mag-da-dance lessons. LOL. I hear yah...eh si NicNic pa naman talagang may sariling opinyon at pag-iisip hahaha mahirap pwersahin yan. Sometimes also, one of the things I personally have to watch out for is that...it doesn't mean that CJ is "all good" with everything that I let him do or experience. Mabait sya kaya susunod yun pero nasa atin mag-observe keenly. Alam naman siguro natin to distinguish kung talagang happy sila sa ginagawa nila o hindi. Kung hindi, let's put ourselves in our child's shoes...how would we feel? There's a dilemma din...when to push, when to step back? My sister never wanted to get into the things I was into as she grew up always being compared to us. My Mom put down her foot one day and forced her to get into singing and performing kasi she noticed she was taking the comparisons in a negative way. She was shying away...Ayun, she ended up doing better on-stage than me and my brother did. My sister said, she'll always be grateful for that moment when my mom made her do it. My mom knew what she was capable of...she wanted to make her come out of her shell, behind the shadows of her siblings so-to-speak. My sis attests to the fact that the pushing did her well.
how well do we know our kids? If our intentions and our heart is in the right place...we sure can generate positive results :=) |
 | how well do we know our kids? If our intentions and our heart is in the right place...we sure can generate positive results :=) as i have written on the comments of one of the multiply mommy groups, let us consider each contest/event/activity a learning experience both for our kids and us parents. it's not something we should push to ourselves and to our kids.
i joined vien in the contest, and i at one point thought "why did i ever joined vien in this contest?" it is a popularity contest, gaining votes and buying coupons. and since we don't have extra money to buy the votes/coupons, we are at the losing end. when i thought, if i buy a lot of their magazines just for coupons just for Vien to win, whhat would it do to both of us? besides, we should not buy our successes. but thinking positively, it's an opportunity for me to know Vien more, and for Vien to experience these kinds of things. i didn't want vien to tell her friends someday, "i won in a contest because mommy bought all the votes" (sounds like government election dba).
it's different also in talent showcases, where you can bring out the best of your kids. pero tama si mommy joanne. wag pilitin kung ayaw. but it is worth a try. or else, we wouldn't know what could have been. =)
love this post mommy razz.
and congratulations to enoch! proud of you!!! =) |
| jahs wrote on Apr 14, '09 hi mommy razz! read your blog through KA.
...just when there has been negativity about stagemoms and contests being posted anonymously here and there on multiply, and a lot of talk between multiply moms regarding this, you come out and post this to make all stagemoms stop and rethink of their actions. i'd say it was very well said and timely, too! thanks for this blog of yours! :) |
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